10 Things We Love About You (but don't love about the wedding industry)
Updated: Oct 10
1. Your Budgets
It's great that our couples and friends have different budgets. Some are saving for a house, some for a wedding, and some simply prefer drinking on a Friday night. The diversity in budgets can prompt creativity or enable extravagant celebrations.
However, it's unfortunate that people feel the need to apologize when they can't afford our venue. While we would love to offer our services for free, we need to make a living. But that doesn't mean you should feel ashamed if you can't afford high-end features like silk linens and orchid centerpieces that are pushed on all the wedding blogs. It's appalling that the wedding industry has convinced brides that these things are what make a wedding special and make guests happy. In reality, a wedding is about committing to spending the rest of your life with your partner. Your loved ones are there to witness this significant moment, and while free food and drinks are great, a wedding shouldn't put you in debt or cause you to sacrifice your future as a couple.
We love that the Weekend Weddings at Rixey Manor really allow you to creat memories that are about more than hitting the points on your timeline. Sometimes the best moments are the ones you can't predict, or happen when you have time to take a breath and look around.
2. Your look
Tall, short, curvy, skinny, inked or pierced - these are the things that make you unique. You could try to change them through diet or hiding them on your wedding day, but I believe it's better to embrace your individuality and show off your personal style. Cheesy as it may sound, your partner fell in love with you because of these things, not despite them.
I really dislike how people try to fit couples into preconceived boxes based on these things. Why can't a woman with a full sleeve tattoo wear a traditional dress if she wants to? Tattoos are just one aspect of a person, not their entire identity. Similarly, why must a traditional ceremony with a religious message always be followed by a traditional cake, instead of something more unique like a doughnut truck? Even family members can be guilty of making these snap judgments.
3. Your lack of theme
Wedding is a theme. It's a mantra I live by, and so do most of our brides. While I love direction in wedding decor, such as fall or geometric themes, it's important that the wedding reflects the couple in multiple ways. It doesn't have to be one thing throughout. For example, you could have a photobooth with Harry Potter props (like we did), name your tables after your favorite places to eat, design a menu to reflect your heritage, or even have a cake designed to look like your favorite board games.
Wedding blogs that promote the idea of having a themed wedding down to the smallest detail are unrealistic. It's not necessary to dress as Frodo just because you like Lord of the Rings. The wedding should reflect the couple's personal style and interests without going overboard.
4. Your family (well kind of)
Families are amazing. They care, advocate for you, and drive you crazy like only someone you love can. It's heartwarming to watch the relationships that form, and how they make a special day even more memorable by bringing everyone together.
However, the pressure to include all your blood relatives is unfair to many people. If you don't have a good relationship with your father, the thought of dancing with him or inviting him might make you cringe. Just because your parents put on the pressure, it doesn't mean your aunt or small kid cousins have to be invited. The industry may promote the idea that there are hundreds of moments to buy gifts and write letters to your mom, but it's okay if you choose not to.
I could go on for hours about those who may not fit into the traditional wedding family mold due to loss or personal choices - and I am proud to say we embrace and honor all families however you choose to include them.
One important thing to keep in mind is that the groom's mother may want to be included and deserves a moment or two.
5. Your caring personality
It's heartwarming to see how many couples reach out to us on a personal level during their wedding day. They often ask if they can grab us some coffee from Starbucks, make sure that everyone working on the day has something to eat, and even give us a hug at the end of it all. By the time the wedding day arrives, it feels like we're all friends. It's not hard to see why - you guys are great people!
It's unfortunate that the wedding industry doesn't emphasize the importance of having a connection with the vendors and photographers. Such relationships can bring an entirely different level of happiness on your special day. It's crucial to show gratitude and take care of your vendors by feeding them, thanking them, and appreciating their efforts. This way, if something goes wrong, they will be more willing to make it right and give you the best possible experience.
6. Your Craft Skill
It's amazing how every wedding seems to have something special made by the bride, groom, best man, or parent. Last week, the groom and his friend created a S’mores bar, which was a hit with the guests. To come up with unique ideas, people use Pinterest, Hobby Lobby, and their own creativity to solve problems.
However, it's not fair to make those who are not skilled in carpentry or detail work feel inadequate. Just because someone can write a blog post about something doesn't mean they can execute it flawlessly for a large audience. Not everyone has the time or interest to do it themselves, and that's perfectly fine.
7. Your Tears
It's concerning to hear someone say they love to see a bride cry. In reality, not all brides or grooms cry on their wedding day. It's not an indication of their emotional state but rather a reflection of their personality and how they handle their emotions. Speaking from personal experience, I didn't cry on my wedding day, not because I wasn't overwhelmed or in love, but because I was exhausted and focused on successfully getting through the day. However, a few weeks later, when the adrenaline had settled down, I cried like a baby. So, it's important not to judge someone's emotions based on their reaction on the day but to understand that everyone experiences things differently.
8. Your Maturity
It's important to understand that most of our brides are women, not girls. They have responsibilities like jobs, kids, and a house that expose them to bigger problems and worries that go beyond just the napkin fold on the table. This doesn't mean that creative decisions in wedding planning can't be enjoyed, but it's important to have the maturity to recognize that they are not the defining aspects of your world or your wedding.
Sadly, there are some blogs that promote a misguided notion that these small details are what really matter. They take #firstworldproblems and elevate them to an absurd level. While weddings should certainly be enjoyable, it's important to remember that the only truly life-changing decision you'll make on your wedding day is choosing the person standing next to you.
9. Your Sense of Fun
I have experienced it all - from an *NSync dance party to beer pong, 3am flip cup, and 22 people sleeping on air mattresses. I absolutely love weddings that are all about having fun, and fortunately, most of you do too. Our goal for the end of the night is to throw an epic dance party with friends and your significant other, and what could be better than that? Also, don't forget to bring a dress to change into. Not another wedding dress, but a dress that allows you to skid across the floor and enjoy shots at the bar during the afterparty.
I understand that the wedding industry tends to focus more on the formal aspects of the day, such as the ceremony and reception. However, during the evening reception, there's not much to it - just drinks, music, and a relaxed atmosphere. To put it into perspective, you'll probably spend only an hour eating and at least two hours dancing. So, let's bring out the GloSticks, ping pong balls, and everything else to make it a night to remember!
10. You. Fabulous You.
Our couples are undoubtedly the best, and we say this unbiasedly. All the vendors we work with testify to this fact. Our couples are polite, respectful, sweet, hilarious, sarcastic, drunk, generous, and above all, real. We cannot thank you enough for being amazing, and we consider these 10 points as a love letter to you.
One of the things I love about the wedding industry is that it's changing, especially around here. We are valuing all the things that make you amazing, instead of focusing on the number of flowers, imported champagne, or the cost of the wedding dress. Therefore, this is also a love letter to the people we work with for making every moment as enjoyable as our couples do. Thank you.